A post for my friend Katie

How do you be a stay at home mom without losing your mind?

When I decided to quit my job to stay home with my kids for a while, I felt like I was committing vocational suicide. My inner voice raged, "what have I done, and will that part of life ever come back?" To be completely honest, I had never really enjoyed babies before I had my own. I liked kids from 5 years on up, when they could communicate and hike without whining. When my friends would have babies, I would visit them, hold them, coo accordingly and then be very glad to return them to their parents. So when my husband and I found out we were pregnant for the first time, I was uncertain as to how I would be as a mom in general, let alone one who stays home with them full-time. Good thing there are 9 months to get used to the idea.

Fast forward to child number one. I adored him, and found that of all the little people in the world, he was one I could stand to be around and even change his diapers. Though, at this point in time I was not ready to give up my work just yet. Randy and I shared the care-taking, and it was not until (equally adored) child number two came along that I decided it made sense economically for me to stay home full time. Logically it made sense, but emotionally this was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made. For me, it was a very humbling time where I had to let go of my own identity and give myself to these selfish, needy creatures God had entrusted to me. Good-bye adult conversation, good-bye time alone, good-bye my skill set as I had known it, hello house, hello mess, hello multi-tasking, hello mommy groups, hello play dates. Good God - what have I entered into?

I will tell you now, in hindsight, I entered into a deeper understanding of love. In Matthew 10:39 we are told, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." Christ also tells us in John 10:10, "I have come that you may have life and have it to the full." There is a sense of loss in motherhood. There is a relinquishment of your identity and control, which for me took some prying loose of my proverbial fingers. What I didn't realize was that in the process of self-surrender I would find new life, and new fullness. In the giving up of my whole self: passion, energy, sweat, creativity, tears, love and joy, I found a more true version of who I was made to be. This the the paradox of the stay at home mom.

So my tip for not losing your sanity, other than laughing a lot and forgiving yourself, is to recognize that God is not just forming your kids as you stay home with them. He is forming you into His image, and it is beautiful. Let Him do His work.